Adversity….what does that word mean to you? The word to me means….challenges that continue to come, especially once you’ve come to grips with one obstacle and then another occurs. One phrase comes to mind, “Blow after blow.” the obstacles begin to get overwhelming. There’s different kinds of adversities, such as: emotional, spiritual, trauma, abuse, toxic relationships/friendships, financial, and health.
When it comes to adversity for the most part it’s normally out of your control. When things come about one thing you can control no matter what is your mindset. You control how you deal with things meant to tear you down. How we think affects our body and mind. If you think positive it can lead to a positive outcome, and if you think negative the complete opposite can happen.
How to Push Through Adversities:
-Control what you can–YOUR MINDSET
-Feed your soul/mind with positivity
-Have supportive people around–mentor
-Celebrate small successes
-Find you purpose–Keep it in mind at all times
Since 2015, an adversity I’ve been dealing with are ongoing health challenges. First, the diagnosis of cancer [leukemia], which caused other health issues during treatment and after beating it into remission. As mentioned in my last post; I’m currently dealing with chronic pain in my hip. I have my days when I am completely tired and fed up with having health issues. It has been 5 years since my health issues started, so you can imagine how draining it can get. I have to constantly feed myself with positivity and having faith that things will get better one day. While also being grateful for how far I’ve come and for everyday I’m still alive because there was a time where I was fighting for my life.
No matter what comes your way, there’s always something you can take from each adversity. There’s always something you can learn; you just have to try and see through the situation. Sometimes the challenges we go through gives us a different perspective on life, more than likely a more positive one. It may sound cliche to say “everything happens for a reason”, but having this belief will turn you into a more optimistic person instead of one who internalizes everything. Or becoming someone who believes every obstacle will defeat you. With every tough road will lead to becoming more knowledgeable, which can change and save your life. Adversity is a chance for opportunity; it’s up to you to find them. NEVER FORGET, I’M ALWAYS ROOTING FOR YOU &&’ YOU CAN HAVE RESILIENCE IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY!!!
Hey y’all!! How are you doing? I hope you guys are doing good and hanging in there! Y’all this past week has been rough, BUT I am still remaining grateful. Here comes my check in post:
Quick Rewind: So those of you who may not know, I’m a cancer/leukemia survivor. While I was battling cancer [3/10/15-7/7/17] treatment consisted of steroids and chemotherapy. The treatment helped save my life, but it also caused some damage. The damage is called Avascular Necrosis, which I’ve experienced in my right and left hip. This gets super painful, chronic pain to be exact. [6/15/18] I received a total right hip replacement to relieve my pain; my left hip wasn’t as bad at the time.
Present Day: I am still in remission from leukemia; thank God! Everything is going well with my right hip, but my left hip’s pain has intensified A LOT. It’s currently hard to sit, stand, or lay down for a long period of time. I’m also struggling with sleeping throughout the night. Dealing with this during quarantine has made it even more difficult. This has resulted in follow-up appointments getting cancelled, doctors not being available at all-not even virtually.
I’m grateful I was able to get an appointment scheduled for this week; praying I can get some real relief soon! Real relief will result in another total hip replacement because unfortunately the illness I have there’s no reversing, which I’ve come to peace with knowing that. I’m just looking forward to living a pain free life again. I am a spiritual person and even when it gets rough I know God won’t put more on me than I can handle. It’s not only important to have your mental and spiritual state together, but it’s also important to have support during rough times.
I would like to personally thank my parents, my boyfriend, family, friends, and co-workers. From waiting on me hand and foot, feeding me, helping me get dressed, going to get meds, praying for me, giving supportive calls/texts encouraging me to continue to push through. I definitely wouldn’t be able to make it through these difficult times without the endless support. It doesn’t go unnoticed and will forever be appreciated.
Even though life can get tough at times; we all need to try our best to remain positive and grateful. These two things will lead to great outcomes. I know when it’s tough it gets difficult; trust me I’ve been dealing with the same exact thing. I do know and believe I will get through this just like everything else that has come my way. Life brings you challenges that later will become testimonies. Always Remember: IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE! Feel free to respond: [comment below; IG: @_talkswithdemi; Facebook: Talks with Demi and let me know how you guys are doing! And like always I’M FOREVER ROOTING FOR YOU!
We all see to one day meet our “close to perfect” mate, fall in love, and live happily ever after. QUESTION: If you haven’t fallen in love with yourself or taken time to learn yourself; how will you benefit your partner? Say it with me people: SELF-LOVE!!! What is self-love? Self-love is caring about one’s own wellbeing and happiness.
Self-Love includes:
-Self-Care
-Self-Awareness
-Self-Acceptance
-Self-Appreciation
Benefits of Falling in Love with Yourself First:
-YOU LEARN YOUR VALUE!:
–when you know your worth you won’t put up with anything that will diminish it
-WHOLENESS WITHIN:
–In this state you’re genuinely happy and have your own positivity. You won’t rely on anybody/anything to feel a void
-YOU’LL BE ABLE TO LET GO!!:
–You’ll no longer hold on to baggage/past relationships/friendships that are weighing you down
-You become confident/comfortable in your own skin:
–No matter what flaws you may have you’ll be able to love yourself through them and work to improve whatever it is you can change
-Having Self-Love/Compassion for yourself can help your mental state:
–you’ll be a more optimistic and self-forgiving person
-STAND FOR WHAT YOU WANT!:
–You’ll learn to be selfish in a healthy way. You’re now your first priority and will have no problem standing firm on what you want and deserve
Most importantly when you’ve learned to love yourself you’ll know how to love someone else, but there’s no way you can love someone else without truly loving yourself. This will only lead to you putting your spouse over your well-being at all times, which could lead to unhealthiness and toxicness.
Just as well as you want your life-time partner preparing themselves for you; you should be doing the same for them. This doesn’t mean that you or your partner will be perfect; there’s no such thing. Even if it takes awhile for your partner to come your way; you’ll be just fine because you’ve learned yourself; improved in necessary areas; and you’ll fall in love with your own company. When you meet your partner you’ll be able to enjoy the experience so much more. I’M ROOTING FOR YOU ALWAYS! STAY SAFE!
Hmmmm let’s reflect on the subjects you learned while attending school (Kindergarten-12th grade). Some subjects that come to my mind are Language Arts/English, Mathematics, Science, Health/Physical Education, History/Government, and Art (Dance, Music/Band, Etc).
Not saying these subjects doesn’t hold any benefits because they do, but there’s definitely some things that are missing. These things will make a person more well rounded. The things you learn in school is preparing you to become a successful adult.
LIFE SKILLS ARE WHAT’S MISSING!!!!!
If a young person is only academically competent that won’t fully help them. The importance of having life skills is to guarantee a young person is ready for the world! Life skills are a set of cognitive, personal, and interpersonal strengths that position young people for success in their lives and livelihoods.
What else should schools be teaching?
Mental Health
Mental health is one of those topics that the majority don’t like to talk about. There are so many that suffer with mental health battles and most suffer silently. There’s also a lot of misdiagnosis that takes place and under or over prescribed meds that are given. Mental health also brings forth a lot of denial on what is taking place. If young people are given the information needed that normalizes mental help they’ll be able to recognize the issue within themselves, as well as find ways to fight it. With education in this subject our future generations can live happier lives and achieve their purpose in life.
Relationships/Friendships
Every subject taught won’t matter if a person doesn’t know how to interact with others. A person will miss out on good and healthy relationships because of lack of tools needed. Relationships don’t only include romantic ones.
One needs to learn how to be prepared for relationships/friendships; know how to communicate; know how to identify “red flag” behaviors and how to remove yourself from the situation; and simply how to maintain healthy relationships/friendships.
Coping with Failure
The reality is everything in life won’t always go the way we anticipated it to. We also need failure in life because it teaches us things. Failure teaches us how to adapt; also that maybe one way didn’t work; so you’re now able to eliminate that way and try another. If one has what’s needed to cope with failures less people will slip into depression during those times. Not saying it’s wrong to feel disappointment because it’s definitely normal. It’s about what you do next after experiencing the disappointment.
Importance of Time Management/Balance
It is important to know how to balance your time!!! Ideally, most believe you should spend most of your time working on whatever it is you want to accomplish. Sometimes you can spend too much time on certain things. Balance is key! You need to know how to balance work/grind, hobbies, self/spiritual-development, self-care, and family/friend time. Mastering this will lead to a more healthier and happier person.
Importance of Budgeting/Credit Cards/Credit
There’s nothing particularly wrong with having credit cards, but you have to pay attention to what type of credit cards you get; how interest is calculated; as well as when you should get the credit card. When you’re fresh out of highschool and turn 18 companies begin to send you “pre-approved” credit cards in the mail. If you don’t have the necessary tools to manage a credit card properly it will lead to messing up your credit.
Yes, it’s important to have some form of wealth but there’s also importance in building up your credit. Just because you have a certain amount of money in hand doesn’t guarantee you some of the things you may want. Money + Good Credit is what secures you to have the things (Car/Apartments/House) you will eventually want in life.
Own Business Path
Schools mainly prepare you for the next step after highschool is going off to college. What about the student who doesn’t want to attend college? They’re forced to find the skills they need for their next steps in life or they settle for mediocre because they either don’t know where to start or get discouraged. Schools should be preparing young people for different paths because this will give young people more than one opportunity to choose from.
How about preparing young people with tools to start and build their own business. Some choose not to go to college because they didn’t get a significant amount in scholarships/financial aid, don’t have the money on hand, and don’t want to take out loans that’ll just put them in debt. Let’s start giving them more options to choose from!!!!
There may have been some other topics that fall in the life skills category, but the ones listed are what I wish was taught in school when I was growing up. This is not a post to blast or talk down on schools and what they teach because schooling is something that’s needed. Education is a key factor in our development as humans, but there’s definitely room for improvement and growth. Let’s not only prepare young people academically, but prepare them for every aspect of life.
I’m grateful that my occupation as a Health Educator at Teen HYPE allows me to go into middle and high schools to teach students life skills, but Teeen HYPE can’t make it to every school even though we would love to. It’s time to embed these subjects in all schools across the country. I’m sure this will lead to happier, more successful, and productive generations. I CHALLENGE YOU TO DO YOUR PART WITH INSTILLING THESE THINGS IN YOUNG PEOPLE! Until next time, REMEMBER: I’M PROUD OF YOUR PROGRESS AND I’M FOREVER ROOTING FOR YOU!
It’s natural to want to share exciting information with those you care about. Those people can be family members, friends, and/or a spouse. Envy is the desire to have a quality, possession, or desirable attribute belonging to someone else. Sometimes you’ll tell people things that bring you joy and excitement and they won’t react how you envisioned they would. Instead of congratulating you or motivating you, they’ll down play the good news or simply dismiss it. It’ll be confusing to you because if the shoe was on the other foot you would genuinely be happy for them.
The reality is that everyone will not always be happy for you. It’s natural for this type of response to hurt you because you naturally care about the people you love opinions. The question at hand is: what are you going to do with the envious people in your life?
You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends and spouse. You also can control how you deal with anybody, family or not.
When Dealing With Envious People:
Don’t Take It Personal:
-Normally people who are envious are dealing with their own issues within themselves
-Some people are just negative and can’t control it.
Ignore!!
-Ignore the envious behavior and don’t validate it
Set Boundaries/Cut Them Off:
-Reduce your interaction with them
-You control who/what you interact with
Learning Lesson-Encourage:
-Encourage the person to begin chasing their goals that they want to accomplish
-This will let them reflect on things they haven’t been working towards
A note for those who find themselves envious/jealous of others remember:
“Stop being jealous of people in their winning season. You don’t know what they lost in their losing season.” We all have a day in time where all the hard times will be worth it because one day you’ll be walking in your winning season. First, it starts with being able to be happy for those who’ve reached their winning season.
Keep in mind that when others can’t be happy for you it normally has nothing to do with you. Some people have things they need to figure out within themselves. When one isn’t happy with themselves, it’s impossible for them to be happy for anybody else. Continue to be who you are and put in the necessary work needed to continue to elevate your life and build towards accomplishing more goals. One day their envious/jealous mindset will shift to a sense of gratitude. Gratitude towards others accomplishments; knowing one day they’ll be able to celebrate their own accomplishments because they’ve learned to celebrate others. CONTINUE PUSHING THROUGH; I’M FOREVER ROOTING FOR YOU!
When I first began blogging I made a post about Mindset. I feel the state the world is in right now mindset is very important to discuss! The COVID-19 is not a surprise to anyone in the world right now. We’re all experiencing a lot of change around this pandemic. A lot that is affecting most physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
All around the country it has been asked that we stay inside in an attempt to try and lower the spread of the virus. So, yes this means we are all in this together; not only one person is going through this alone. Even though that is a known fact that doesn’t lower the impact it’s having on people. People are without jobs, which is causing households to struggle. Others who are battling illnesses can’t go see their doctor or in fear about going to the hospital because of this virus. There are people’s family members who are in and out the hospital/nursing homes and can’t receive visitors; this is also leading to some people dying alone because of this. This virus has also impacted the way families have to say their final good-bye to loved ones. It’s sometimes hard to stay positive when so much is going on all at once.
Everything that’s going on I’ve even found myself in a downward slope mentally; it began to get overwhelming with so much going on. I’ve been dealing with my own health issues [chronic pain]; worrying about my loved ones who are ill; my friend’s mother passed away; on top of knowing people diagnosed with COVID-19, as well as some dying from the virus. I’m usually the one who’s able to stay positive the majority of the time, along with always being able to lift others up while staying strong. Well I’m here to say sometimes the “Strong Person/Friend” needs to be encouraged and lifted up. It took me about a week to get back to somewhat my normal self and I’m grateful for that.
Tips for those who are feeling overwhelmed as I was:
-TAKE A STEP BACK/TIME OUT!
–limit the intake of anything that shifts your mindset towards negativity
–give yourself permission to feel all of the emotions you’re feeling
–isolate yourself to focus on getting your mind back right
-PRACTICE GRATITUDE!
–in the midst of chaos remember the things you appreciate
-WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?
–surround yourself around things that bring you joy and that keeps you in a positive light
-SUCCESS!
–if there’s any goals [business ideas, book, blogs, website, fitness goals, etc.] you’ve set for yourself try and put some work towards accomplishing them; even if it’s little by little
-REFLECT!
–reflect and focus on some things you can change [relationships with others (spouse, children, family, friends), your mindset, your accomplishments, etc.]
–strengthen your spiritual path
Quick review: while all of this is going on try your best to stay level headed. Change the things you can–mindset is one of those things–accept/surrender to the things you can not control.
Praying for those who have lost loved ones because of this virus, as well as those who are fighting and have family members that are battling this virus. ALWAYS REMEMBER I AM FOREVER ROOTING FOR YOU &&’ YOU CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS!
It’s extremely soooooo much going on in the world right now. So much to where it doesn’t leave room for you to continue to hold grudges with those you once had disagreements with or even hold things against yourself. No, I’m not saying to let the person back into your life with the chance they might hurt you again; you can forgive someone without giving them the opportunity to hurt you again. Forgiveness helps the process of healing. Healing is something that has nothing to do with anyone else, but you owe yourself access to healing. Especially things you’ve been through that weren’t your fault.
Tips for Forgiving Others:
Switch the focus from blaming others to understanding yourself and the way you’re feeling
Take responsibility for your part
Let go of resentments
Don’t live in the past-be present
Tips for Forgiving Yourself:
Focus on your emotions
Acknowledge the mistake out loud
Think of each mistake as a learning experience
Quiet the negative messages of your inner critic
Get clear about what you want
Take your own advice!!!!!
It’s easy to tell others what to do, but at times you have to take your own advice
Seek professional help, if needed
Sometimes it’s not always about you forgiving others; sometimes it’s yourself you have to forgive. Give yourself permission to forgive “you”; there might have been some things you put up with that you knew you shouldn’t have. You’ve made it through it, so it’s time to forgive yourself. While also making sure you don’t put up with those experiences again.
Don’t continue to dwell on the past; it won’t help you. Focus on healing and your future. Your future is brighter than the things you’ve been through. Don’t damage your future because you refuse to forgive others, as well as yourself. Your thoughts will determine your feelings.
Here are some quick takeaways: 1. Commit to letting go 2. Think through the pros and cons 3. Realize you have a choice 4. Empathize-Try to see the situation from the other person’s view. 5. Allow peace to enter your life 6. LOOK FOR THE POSITIVE/LESSON. I’M ROOTING FOR YOU AND YOUR HEALING!
Heartbreak…it’s something that we’ve all experienced or will experience one day. Some have experienced it more than once. It’s one of those things that nobody asks for, but you’re forced to deal with the emotions around heartbreak when it comes about in our lives. Heartbreak doesn’t only happen in romantic relationships; it can be a friendship or a family member. In this specific post we’ll focus on romantic relationships.
Majority of the time we don’t see heartbreak coming. The person we’re with seems to be “it”, you’re no longer seeking to be with anyone else except that person. Even if signs begin to present “change” happening, we may still ignore those signs until it’s unbearable. This for the most part leads to you or the person you’re in a relationship with breaking up. This will result in your daily routine changing, which will cause you to dwell on certain things.
Questions you may ask yourself:
-what do I do now?
-how do I deal with missing him/her?
-why did he/she give up on me?
-what if he/she finds someone better than me?
-I’m tired of crying/being sad, when will this end?
-will I find somebody else I love as much as him/her?
-when should I start dating again?
These questions are the majority of the things I asked myself while dealing with a broken heart, but honestly it all reported back to “self” for me. I knew at some point this would conclude in me growing on a personal level. Especially the question, “when should I start dating again? and what if he finds someone better than me”. There’s no way you should go down the road of dating unless you know you have healed from the past relationship and now find yourself being whole/happy within yourself. And it’s natural to think about your ex finding someone else, but you should try and avoid comparing you and the “new person”. I stopped comparing when I realized just as well as it’ll be a new person for them, in time I will eventually make it to my new person as well.
Referencing my post from last week titled, “Let’s Talk About Happiness”. It’s best to have that happiness instilled within yourself because when your happiness is in some else’s hands that can get dangerous. And it will become even more difficult to bounce back from the heartbreak. This isn’t saying that if you’re happy and whole within yourself that heartbreak won’t hit you and affect you. This is saying that if you have a foundation within yourself it’ll be easier to bring yourself out of the hard time you’re going through. You’ll be able to motivate and encourage yourself. I also mentioned being able to forgive; this remains even if the person hasn’t apologized to you. It’s best you forgive them because it will help you move on and grow.
Tips that’ll help you through heartbreak:
-Don’t fight it, feel it:
–give yourself permission to feel every emotion
–if you need to cry, cry
-Don’t push people away: Let people be there for you
-Surround yourself around things/people you love
–this will begin to remove the negativity you’ve been thinking and feelings
-Focus on now
–don’t think to far out; take it one day even second at a time and focus on what you need now
Although this experience is something we all wouldn’t choose to go through; it’s also an experience that will teach you a lot in the end once you get through it.
Some things I’ve learned while dealing with heartbreak:
-A relationship can’t survive on “love” alone–It takes more
-Some doors are meant to close
-It isn’t always you
-Always keep your personal power over your happiness
-It’s okay to have people in your life you love and care about BUT don’t become dependent of them
-To never settle when I know things aren’t right
-In life, things won’t always go the way you want
-The relationship ending is a reset for you: You finally remember “YOU” again
-LIFE WILL GO ON!
No matter what, remember you’re human and give yourself permission to feel and heal from the heartbreak experience. I’m usually the “strong friend”, but in my time of heartbreak once I got to the point where I was okay with acknowledging the hurt I began to feel relief. Also, realizing that you’re more than likely holding on to the “idea or the thing” that person gave to you instead of them. The good thing about that is that it can be replaced.
The last thing I want to leave you with is a quote that kept me going, “What’s meant for you will not pass you. And what passes you is not meant for you.” Don’t spend time trying to force things to happen; what’s meant for you will happen at the exact time that it’s supposed to. If someone leaves you, yes it’s hard–it happened to me–but remember what’s for you won’t leave you. It also won’t require you giving all of you and getting little in return. Remember the love you deserve at all times. Do the work you need to in order to heal and don’t rush the process. The work is something that needs to be done because it will make you a stronger person. Love will find you at the aligned and designed time for your life and more than likely it will be unexpected. I’M ROOTING FOR YOU AND YOUR HEALING-THERE’S NO RUSH!
Happiness is a word that we all are aware of; it is also something that we all seek to have in our lives. It’s a sense of joy, contentment, and well-being. Different people feel a sense of happiness for different reasons [places, people, or things]. Happiness is just one of those things we’ll never complain about feeling. We’ve all had thoughts that if you gain certain things it will fulfill you and make you happy, but once you get those things 9/10 the happiness won’t last long. It’s just the ideal of having certain things.
When it comes to happiness it’s important we seek it for ourselves and not leave the source of happiness in another individual or thing. When someone/thing holds your happiness it can become very dangerous. If it’s a person or thing that keeps you happy if you were to ever lose them then your happiness would be stripped away from you.
Depending on how close the bond was this could lead to you slipping into some sort of depression and no longer being able to stay focused on the things that’s needed. It would also lead to you having to “re-find” yourself because at some point you lose yourself within someone/something else. Here’s a few tips on your road to seeking happiness.
How to Find Happiness Within:
-Shift your mindset: decide and choose happiness
-Forgive and forget: forgive yourself and even others who may have hurt you without apologizing
-Hold on to your values: as long as you stay true to them you’ll feel better within
-Do things you love: it’ll produce greater happiness
-Find purpose: one who feels they’re contributing to humanity tend to feel better about life
-Accept the good: acknowledge the good, no matter how small it may be; a win is a win
-Imagine the best: invision what is it you want and work towards it
-Listen to your heart: you’re the only one that knows what truly gives you fulfillment
Become comfortable with being alone; spending “me time” with yourself; and pour positively into yourself. Understanding what’s best for you is the first step in seeking happiness. The reality of the matter is sometimes people and things come and go; this sometimes is out of your control. No matter who or what comes your way focus on being happy/whole within yourself FIRST!
So, there’s this “new” thing going around–Coronavirus. A lot of things that have been broadcasted in regards to this virus has made a lot of people scared. Especially for those who have family who’ve recently traveled, children, elderly, and family who reside in nursing homes. It’s like the “fear of the unknown”; you don’t fully know what to expect and what will come next.
There’s K-12 schools, colleges, and businesses being closed; as well as the economy is affected by this. This is leaving people without jobs, which means there’s no income to provide for families. This has also led to people panicking, thinking that they have to overstock their homes with food/toiletries, which is taking from so many other households because people are now living in fear and don’t even want to step foot outside. I understand taking steps for better health and safety BUT you don’t want something you can’t control to put fear into your life.
When it comes to certain people’s profession there’s no room for fear. Think about the people who are in the healthcare field [doctors, nurses, receptionists, environmental service, nurse assistants, direct care workers, etc.]; they can’t go to work and save lives if they’re currently worried about things going wrong. These people signed up to save other’s lives; this causes them to put people first at all times.
Those who are in the education field are forced to adapt to still figure out how to support the population that they serve. This had led to teachers/professors creating a virtual/online classroom. Hopefully this will lead to students being able to progress to the next grade and college students graduating on time.
So of course things like missing work may lead to little pay or no pay at all, but try your best to have a positive and grateful mindset while you’re in the midst of something that’s out of your control. Once you learn how to adapt things will flow more easily for you mentally. Yes you’re forced to stay home from work, but now you get more time to spend with your children/spouse. You also have time to write that business plan you’ve been putting off. This is a time where you have to become comfortable with going with the flow.
Few things to remember while experiencing fear:
-Be Grateful: when things are going wrong; there are things still going right
-Look for the Silver Linings: events that look bad sometimes turn out to bring good in the end
-Look at the Big Picture and Focus: Decide what direction you want your life to go in while things are in chaos and focus on that
-Block out the Negative: Feed your mind with positive things and surround yourself with positive people
When one is living in fear they’re no longer in control; whatever it is that has you panicking is the same thing controlling your thoughts and actions. No matter what’s going on around you it’s better to always be in control of your thoughts and actions. There’s a difference between living with precaution and living in fear. There are events that may occur and you’re not sure if you should underreact, overreact, or not react at all. In the midst of all things remember you can only: CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN AND ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T! STAY CALM; I’M FOREVER ROOTING FOR YOU!
