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As I mentioned in my Youtube video two weeks ago, I have developed an “it is what is it” mindset. Answer this question, “What will worrying about everything get you?” My answer: NOWHERE!  Me having this mindset does not mean that I am in denial about whatever it is taking place in my life. This mindset keeps me in control of my life and mental space. When things go “wrong” in our lives we as humans tend to let it affect us mentally, emotionally, and it sometimes can lead to some physical decline. 

I will be honest it’s not always easy to have this mindset because I am human and sometimes life can be a bit overwhelming. But for the most part that is the way I try to live daily. I do realize that sometimes all things are not in our control and it’s best to try keeping a positive mindset around all things. 

When things aren’t going well:

-Determine if you can control what’s going on

-Identify your fears around the situation

-Figure out ways to manage your stress

-Give yourself positive affirmation that can push you through

Remember: life is full of changes and that’s something that you can not change or avoid. Change is one thing in life that’s constant. Having faith is something that helps when I’m experiencing change that I’m not too fond of. I try my best to pray through things and read scriptures that help me to worry less. Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” 

There’s also the phrase, “Let Go and Let God”. Because again, there’s things that faith can get us through that we can’t get ourselves through. Sometimes we have to believe everything will be okay, even before it’s our reality. I know that everyone doesn’t have the same religion preference, but from my experience having a supernatural power of faith has gotten me through many trials in my life. I AM ALWAYS ROOTING FOR YOU! TRY NOT TO LET EVERYTHING AFFECT YOU, ESPECIALLY IF IT’S OUT OF YOUR CONTROL!

Social Media was created for professional networking abilities, but the way people use social media will differentiate based upon who you ask. You can use social media for:

-Building a Brand

-Networking

-Staying Connected to Others

-Access Knowledge

 I believe the above reasons are all positive ways to use social media. Sadly to say everyone doesn’t use social media in a positive light. Social media literally gives anyone a voice, which can be a great or not so great thing. We’re living in times where literally EVERYTHING makes social media, there’s no such thing as any personal privacy. 

I think there’s a thin line between being authentic and sharing to help encourage others and simply sharing too much. The harsh reality is that for the most part nobody really cares about what takes place in your life every second of the day. I understand some things that happen in our life can help others, but there is such a  thing as over exposing what no one cares about.

Social media is a place where people can be whoever they want to be. For many they’re portraying something they’re not. This is where people begin to flaunt and post certain things to stroke their own ego. I’ve seen people post literally every aspect in their life on social media, but still command that others mind their own business. These people don’t realize they’ve made every part of their life the world’s business by the things they post. 

Some use social media as a therapist and in my personal opinion I believe that is really extreme. Sometimes people don’t think through their content before posting it. For instance, when you’re in a state of having low self-esteem and you’re posting certain content to get positive feedback isn’t going to help your self-esteem from a long term perspective. There’s personal work that needs to be done and sometimes that work takes isolation, maybe even a therapist. 

I wrote all of this to say: don’t let social media consume your life. There can be some things that can be enjoyed/handled in private; social media doesn’t have to get every aspect of your life. Remember: there’s a thin line between using your life experiences to help others and simply over disclosing. This means that the posting sole benefit is only to you. 

Last point: the internet saves EVERYTHING. No matter if you delete it off your account it still will exist. Some of the things you say could potentially come back to haunt you, especially in the professional setting. For instance, I’ve seen several people complain about their boss on social media. We all know that if their job ran across their posting there would be some issues with that. WHEN POSTING ON SOCIAL MEDIA THINK ABOUT YOUR REASON BEHIND IT; DEMI IS FOREVER AND ALWAYS ROOTING FOR YOU!

Over the last few weeks I’ve been hearing the phrase “Girl, you’re glowing”. For many that phrase means a glow a woman gets when she’s pregnant. And I really was trying to understand what it fully meant for me personally because I knew I wasn’t pregnant. The overall meaning I came up with is simple….I’M GENUINELY HAPPY!

There’s so much that has taken place in my life from 2015-early 2019. I dealt with my battle of cancer, a devastating heartbreak, and a hip replacement recovery journey. After the break up I sadly began to mistreat myself. I stepped out my element of who I was-I started to drink and party A LOT, I also started putting up with things from others that I normally would never put up with. Literally just settling for less than I deserved. Then one day I woke up and had a shift…ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! 

Yes, I was strong during those phases in my life, but my strength was only shown to make others not have to worry about me. Over the last year and a half, I fell back in love with myself. As well as healed from the things I was damaged from. This newly found strength and happiness is pure and genuine. There’s no faking any of it and that’s the main source to “The Glow”. This is the happiness I truly deserve. I’ve taken control back over my life and it feels AMAZING. 

I had my second hip replacement in June 2020 and now have knowledge that I have the same bone illness in my shoulders that I had in my hips. The difference is I carry things differently now. I know how to be strong for myself and not for others comfort. I now know how to express my thoughts and fears to those who care about me. I’m more intune with the importance of having a strong mental state. I’m also more aware of the people I have in my space because their energy will rub off on you.

 There was work I had to do in isolation, that led me to the space I am in. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and I can honestly say if I didn’t do the necessary work I did to get myself together, there’s no way I would’ve been ready for the man that he is. I also wouldn’t have been able to appreciate him because I was so distracted by so many things that didn’t matter.

Take Away Tips:

-Dissect what has you in a bond

-Heal from those things

-Fall back in love with who you are, then someone else will be able to love you

-Pay attention to the company you keep-all energy aren’t good vibes 

–Stay away from drama and simply mind your business 

-Remember if they left there’s a reason behind it. It might just take later to learn why 

–Don’t lose yourself in a person (spouse, etc.) 

-Always remember you are the only one that can make you truly happy-SELF-LOVE

-Don’t let things you can’t control stress you out

-Prioritize your mental health, self-care, and spiritual relationship

-I haven’t mastered this, but of course a healthy diet can go a long way–DRINK WATER!

Y’all now have what I believe my “sauce” is. YOU CAN HAVE “THE GLOW” AS WELL! ALWAYS REMEMBER, I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!!

There will be a lot of goals you brainstorm when it comes to your life. These are goals we will want to share with others around you or even sometimes on social media. The harsh reality that most of us need to learn is that: WE CAN’T TELL EVERYBODY OUR PLANS!!!

Main reason we tell others our goals:

ACCOUNTABILITY….MOTIVATION….EXTRA PUSH!!

You’ll tell somebody your goal [working out/eating better, a career change, etc.] and maybe even ask them to be your accountability partner, but the harsh reality is that most people are so tied up in their own life that they forget about yours. 

Important reason we should not:

FEAR!!!!

When you’re dreaming of accomplishing a certain goal and you tell someone it gives them the opportunity to place their fear on you. This may be something you’ve been wanting to do for a while and finally got the courage to start the action steps towards it, but someone else’s fear will discourage you and push you in the opposite direction. The main reason they’re placing their fear on you is because they don’t have the courage  and motivation to accomplish their own goals.

I watched a video and it explained 4 types of people:

1. Talk the Talk + Walk the Walk: just want to brag about the things they’re doing
2. Just Talk the Talk: pretends they’re accomplishing goals
3. Don’t Talk the Talk AND Don’t Walk the Walk: no ambition at all
4. Just Walk the Walk: lifestyle is proof of success, discipline, hard work, and patience. They don’t have to say it out of their own mouth; their life literally speaks for itself-no flaunting it 

No matter how much you say it, doesn’t mean you’re doing it. JUST DO IT!! See how much you’ll accomplish when you’re going through the process and trusting it alone. Everything isn’t meant to be told to everyone. The real question is: Do you want to accomplish goals to improve your life OR just to get praised and acknowledged from others?

I challenge you to start action steps for a goal you’ve been wanting to accomplish and don’t tell anyone. Log and trust the process; you’ll get much more done with you being locked in and holding yourself accountable. AS ALWAYS, I’M ROOTING FOR YOU! Until next time!

Boundaries? What does that word mean to you? To me, boundaries set the tone for how you will be treated. You can have boundaries in your personal life, as well as even in the workplace. No boundaries will result in not having a positive and healthy life; it’ll lead to you putting up with things that you didn’t intend to. 

Why is it important to have boundaries?:

-SELF CARE!!!!

It’s really as simple as the above answer. With the proper healthy boundaries you’re simply taking care of yourself. You are giving yourself permission to use the word “NO” when needed. As well as using the word unapologetically. We are not all comfortable in the same situations/settings; it’s up to you to make sure you’re not in any uncomfortable situations.

When you are setting boundaries, it’s important to let someone know when they over step their boundaries with you; to ensure it doesn’t happen again. 

What will happen if you don’t have boundaries?:

-lead to you feeling intruded and taken advantage of

-lead to hurt, resentment, burnout, and anger

-lead to depression

No boundaries will have you eventually unhappy and in a bad head space. This is giving others the opportunity to tell you how to think, feel, and act. This means you need to make setting boundaries a priority; boundaries mean you have self-respect for yourself. 

When setting boundaries:

-Realize how certain things/people make you feel

-Be direct

-Give yourself permission

-Make self-care a priority

You guys can do this and once the boundaries are set; I promise you won’t regret it. REMEMBER: ANYBODY WHO TRULY WANTS TO BE IN YOUR LIFE WILL RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES! DEMI IS ROOTING FOR YOU ALWAYS! Until Next Time!

As some of you have seen my Instagram (@_talkswithdemi) and Facebook (Talks with Demi) post last week you know I had a ROUGH week. I was going through some confusion, anger, and irritability moments throughout most of the week. I was beginning to doubt decisions I’ve made and wanting to make rash decisions to try and make up for the decision. I was worried about financial situations, instead of just staying calm I was in an anxious headspace.

Those who know me personally know this is not usually who I am. I am one who stays positive when things are going “wrong” or even when I am upset I normally can talk myself down and see the value in the situation. I usually can pull out what I can learn from the situation.

NOPE NOT LAST WEEK! The bad vibes were literally lingering; and I was mentally and emotionally drained. It’s been years since I let myself get like that and I couldn’t understand why I was in this state of mind.

Then Sunday, I got into a car accident and was shook up, angry, and frustrated all over again. I had gotten into car accidents from behind as a child and I didn’t realize how much it was a trigger for me as an adult. I’m so grateful I walked away from the accident with no cuts, bruises, or anything. I’m just sore from the hit and my car also is still in good condition.

Although last week was an emotional rollercoaster I am extremely grateful to have lived through it. I figured out why I was so on edge and not my normally self and it’s because I was worrying. Usually I am not one to worry or have lack of hope. Last week’s lesson was a spiritual one: HAVE FAITH AND WORRY LESS!!! I’m always that person who normally trusts God to get me out of any and every situation. Last week was something different. God continues to show me he will provide and protect me, even when my faith is wavering. For this I am forever grateful. I know and believe this week will be a better one!

What does mental health mean to you? Is it a topic that you even think about? Mental health affects how we think, feel, and act. This also affects the way we make decisions and handle stress. We’ve cleared up why mental health is important; now let’s discuss what triggers the mental health of a person to be out of tact. The word trauma comes to mind for me. What is trauma? Trauma is a distressed or disturbing experience; imagine going through several or even one disturbing experience that alters the way you think, feel, act, and make decisions. If you’ve dealt with this and never healed from those situations it can affect you tremendously.

I said all of this to say, it should always be your intention not to be a person that someone will have to heal from. There’s no such thing as a perfect person [parent, spouse, friend, etc.], but there is a way to make sure not to sign up for a role you’re not ready for. There are many people who bring their experiences into relationships and it changes the other person for the worse. Gratefully there are some people who help some go through their healing process, but that can also begin to feel like a one-sided relationship.

Imagine being a child to parents who are not mentally prepared to be a parent. This robs the child the opportunity of having:

– time and energy amongst two who can give nurture and care

-better emotional health when the child is supported and loved

-two who can help with financial responsibilities, homework, and providing

 If the circumstances are a complete opposite of what I just mentioned it would eventually lead to the child having traumatic experiences, which again alters the way they handle stress, make decisions, and simply gravitate throughout life. If a child sees that their parents can’t sustain a healthy relationship; that child may begin to believe it doesn’t exist.

Let’s all agree to do the necessary work to heal things that have hurt us; even if the experience wasn’t your fault. Your healing is in your hands; your future/next generation is depending on it. You deserve a bright and positive future. ALWAYS REMEMBER DEMI IS ROOTING FOR YOU! Until next time!!

Purpose….the reason for which something is done/created or for which something exists. There’s not many people who have discovered what their purpose in life is yet. When you’re going down your path of purpose it won’t always be smooth sailing. There will be things that come about that will try and knock you off your square. To sum up all those things I would call them distractions.

Some distractions:

-Fear: if you’re afraid you won’t reach your full potential-it’ll keep you stuck 

-People: they tend to put their wants and desires on you; you can’t focus on what you need to

-The Past: this is where you learned the lessons you needed to grow, not the place you’re supposed to stay

When you’re NOT walking in your purpose:

-No matter how you’ve perfected something you’re still dissatisfied

-Being in a state of dissatisfaction leads to discomfort

-Discomfort causes burnout

-Burnout will then put you in a place where you can no longer even focus

If you are one who doesn’t know your purpose, it is time to do some soul searching. The reality is we’re all on borrowed time. We all are going to leave this earth one day, but the question is: what type of legacy are you going to leave? It is time to start putting work in to break generational curses and that will sustain generational success. Even in the state that the world is in you should be grateful to see another day. If you make it to see another day, it is still an opportunity to live out your purpose. 

The material things you accumulate and have doesn’t define your legacy, but what you give to the world/those around you will define it. There are many who are gone, but are still living on through their character. As well as there are those who are still alive, but they are what I would call the “walking dead”. No drive and motivation, but they are just still here. If this is you, here’s your reminder to start producing a change! DEMI IS ROOTING FOR YOU! LET’S START LIVING OUT OUR PURPOSE!

Today [8/24/2020] I watched Micheal Todd’s Part 2 to his Relationship Goals series, as well as a Monday/Marriage Mindset live on Instagram [@chelena_b]. Both of things I grasped new information, but also confirmation of some things I already knew. These two things led me to my topic: Let’s Talk About Being Single and Not Dating. Realistically no one wants to be single…why?? Sadly, because most of us can’t handle being alone!! 

Us not wanting to be alone causes us to stay in relationships that no longer brings us joy. We’re willing to stay in this relationship miserable because we just refuse to be single. The new term for having encounters with somebody and not in a relationship is an “entanglement”. I’ve had my share of experiences with staying in a relationship trying to hold on to someone who really wasn’t meant for me anymore, as well as settling for an “entanglement” just to continue to have a piece of a certain person. 

Those actions only lead to you disrespecting yourself; if you show you don’t respect yourself no one else will. Once I broke free from it my life started to take a change for the better. I was able to grow personally and focus on loving me. I’m also grateful for those times because I learned a lot; the main thing I learned is what “not” to put up with ever again.

Why should you be grateful for your singleness:

-You have no obligations to no one, but you! [start accomplishing those goals]

-You have time to find yourself [personal growth]

-You have time to heal from your past [can’t move on efficiently without addressing it]

-You’re not alone [you still have family & friends]

-You discover what it is you really want [no settling]

-Once you truly love who you are, you’ll be able to love others

I truly believe when you’re focused on bettering your life things will begin to look up for you; I’m a living example of that. Eventually the person you are meant to be with and you will find each other, but for the time being there’s no reason you shouldn’t be preparing for that person. While you prepare for that person it’s really just you being strong enough to live and enjoy life without using someone else to “make you happy”. You need to be whole within yourself first; another person’s companionship is an addition to your life not the solution. EMBRACE YOUR SINGLENESS! If you are single and not dating I hope this helps or maybe you can pass it along to someone who may need it. Until next time, always remember DEMI IS ROOTING FOR YOU AND WISHES YOU THE BEST!

“Hurt people, hurt people”…..this is a phrase I’m sure we’ve all heard at least once. Question: Just because you’re hurt does that give you the right to hurt someone else? ABSOLUTELY NOT! The reason being is because more than likely the person you’re hurting isn’t the one who hurt you to begin with. 

How it may look when you’re hurt and interacting with others, you may:

-transfer your inner anger/hurt onto family/friends

-be so into your hurt that you become unaware that you’re hurting others

-engage in activities to help you run away from reality [excessive drinking, drug use, entertainment, etc.]–negative coping mechanisms 

-stay busy with things, such as work to keep your mind off what you need to work on

-get into it with others because you’re easily “triggered” 

-carry a victim spirit when engaging with others [hard time connecting with others, can’t trust anyone]

-interpret everything with your pain in mind [they’re going to hurt me just like ____ did]

The scars you may wear might not be your fault, but your healing is your responsibility. It’s up to you to take the necessary steps to heal yourself. Sometimes that can be you on a soul search alone or you might have to go to therapy for professional help. Everyone’s healing process is different; always do what’s best for you. You’ll also be behind when it comes to your emotional maturity. For instance, if someone hurt you at the age of 12 and you never heal from it; it’s possible your maturity will remain at a 12 year old level. Try not to hang on to what hurt you for a long time.

What about when it’s time to have children or if you end up getting hurt while already being a parent? You should heal because your child/children doesn’t deserve the broken version of you. When you bring a child into this world they won’t have a perfect parent, but they deserve someone who takes care of themselves. A parent who takes care of themselves can take care of their children even better.

LET’S SHIFT GEARS-THE OTHER SIDE!

Just because you know someone in your life is hurting it doesn’t mean you have to stand by and let them inflict their pain on you. Some things you can do in regards to their behavior:

–RECOGNIZE the behavior, but don’t play into it

–CREATE a safe space where they can be themselves and share their hurt

–SHARE how they’re making you feel

–DECIDE if the friendship/relationship is worth being apart of 

I hope this helps you if you’re going through a rough time or if you ever find yourself in a hurt place. I hope you remember something from this post that will help. I’M FOREVER ROOTING FOR YOU! REMEMBER YOUR HEALING IS IN YOUR HANDS! Until next time!