Author: Demi

Feeling stuck and stagnant…..This is definitely one of the most difficult and uncomfortable feelings. In reality, one day we all will come to a point where we feel this way. You can become stagnant in relationships, friendships, jobs/careers, and sometimes your environment. 

Emotions around being stagnant:

-Depression

-Unhappiness

-Unmotivated

-Sluggishness

Who wants to feel this way? ABSOLUTELY NOBODY! The reality of the matter we’ve all felt this way or one day we probably will. So, what do you do when you feel stuck?

-Reflect: what exactly is making you unhappy and what do you want your life to look like? Also, what are your doubts and fears about making a change and building your dream life?

-Get out of your daily routine–shake it up a bit

-Find what inspires you

-Set a list of goals

-Set a list of actions that will help you accomplish those goals

-Set a timeframe you want to accomplish each action

Always remember don’t be too hard on yourself, especially when you’re making steps in order to better your life. I know what it feels to be in this state and I know how important it is to put action behind the feelings. The reason being is because you don’t want to stay in that state long. As I always say, I am forever rooting for you! I hope you continue to make the right decisions to better your life! The sky’s the limit, go after whatever it is you want and need to feel fulfilled! Until next time!

Expectations–a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. I want you guys to reflect on that definition for a minute. Will it be smart for you to have expectations for yourself or others? I know I don’t have to sit here and explain to you guys that it’s not smart to have expectations for others because I’m 100% sure we’ve all been disappointed by someone. We naturally create our own heartbreaks by having high expectations for others. The smart idea would be to have expectations for yourself. I’m aware you can’t control everything that happens in your life, but you can set expectations for things you want out of life. 

How to Set Expectations for Yourself:

-Get clear on your values

-Quiet your fears

-Give yourself opportunities

-Surround yourself around those who hold you to a high standard

When Setting Expectations “with” Others:

*if you absolutely need to set expectations for others*

-Make the expectation known and discuss

-Come to a mutual understanding (actions towards the expectation) 

-Agree to the expectation and commit

For as long as I can remember I’ve been setting expectations for myself. I also know it’s limitations to those expectations. When it comes to setting expectations for yourself make sure you’re not:

-trying to be a perfectionist

-being overly critical of yourself

-taking on too much

-expecting to be 100% all the time

As always, I am forever rooting for you. Continue to set expectations and goals for yourself, but don’t just set them make sure you’re putting work into completing the expectations. 

Five years ago, at the age of 19 I was diagnosed with leukemia and it was completely devastating. I was one of the kids who did everything by the books [extremely respectful, got good grades in school, went off to college, etc.]. I was the ideal kid a parent could ask for. When I was diagnosed with cancer on spring break from college I felt like I was being punished for something and I simply didn’t understand why this was happening to me. What did I possibly do to be diagnosed with cancer….

When I calmly meditated on what I was up against there was something that played in my head over and over again–”why not you?” The best advice I can give you when things aren’t working in what you would consider your favor, “everything you go through is not about you or meant to punish you”. When I got that through my head it became easier to go through the battle.

Sometimes obstacles can lead you to what your purpose is in life. This also means that without the obstacle you wouldn’t have discovered your purpose. Sometimes we have to trust the process and find motivation in the “tragedy”. I no longer look at obstacles as something “bad” happening. The main reason is because throughout my journey I have been able to help others and I’m certain there will be others along the way. 

Obstacles also help shift your mindset and perspective on life. So sometimes we have to go through things in order to get us to a certain place in life. AS ALWAYS, I AM STILL ROOTING FOR YOU! NO MATTER WHAT YOU’RE UP AGAINST YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH! Until next time!

There’s so much you can vision for yourself, but others may not be able to see the same. Don’t shift your focus off of what you want for your life just because others can’t see it. Everything isn’t meant for others to understand, but you should continue to manifest and put in the necessary work you need to do in order to succeed.

The main reason others aren’t able to see your vision and your end success is because they’re too busy putting their fears on you. When someone has allowed fear to control their life, their train of thought and mindset is now conditioned to think with fear. Whoever that person is that may be in your life you need to remove them completely or choose how often you interact with them. A person who lives their life in fear more than likely hasn’t accomplished anything because of that reason. You don’t want their mindset to rub off on you and you adopt the same fearful mindset.

How to set your vision for your life:

-Work to resolve old wounds

-Don’t limit yourself

-Explore your passion and talents

-Realize it’s not about you–your purpose makes the world better for others

-Surround yourself around positivity

-Envision exactly what you want your life to look like-Manifestation 

-Write a mission statement and list action steps for you to accomplish

-Have an accountability partner

When you have a vision in mind stay focused and knock those goals down. You can literally do anything you put your mind to, you just have to continue to keep the confidence that you can do it. Some days may get rough and it can feel as if the goal isn’t obtainable. On days like this you have to bounce back and get back to it! AS ALWAYS, I’M ROOTING FOR YOU! WRITE OUT THAT VISION AND WORK TOWARDS IT EVERY DAY! NEVER STOP DREAMING!

We live in a world where things such as, “relationship/friendships goals” are a thing on social media. Social Media is also an outlet where people can be whoever they want to portray to be. Nine times out of ten, what’s displayed on social media isn’t really the person’s reality, some would call it “Keeping up with the Joneses”. You should never want to live your life comparing it to others’, especially when it’s a possibility it’s not the other person’s reality anyways.

How to Reduce Social Media Comparisons:

-Reduce your social media use

-Dig internally–why are you spending time comparing yourself to others?

-Know your triggers and avoid them

-Concentrate on your own identity

-Don’t undermine your own success

I once wrote a blog post titled, “Let’s Talk About Going At Your “OWN” Pace”. Here’s a piece of what I mentioned in the post, “We all may have similar goals in mind, but that doesn’t mean our route and timeframe to get there will be the same. There might be some things in life you have to experience, such as struggles that will help build patience and character. All those things will make your success story more significant than the next person.”

As I re-read what I wrote back in November 2019, it made me grateful for how much I’ve grown since then. It simply just makes you appreciate the journey a lot more. You don’t have to spend your time comparing yourself to others, but just continue to go at your own flow. Instead compare yourself to…YOURSELF! Focus on being better than the person you were yesterday. You should also become more content with what you have, not focusing on what you don’t have. GET OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD; STOP SOCIALLY COMPARING YOURSELF–I AM FOREVER ROOTING FOR YOU!

At times you can be in a situation where you live with people who shift the energy in a negative light or you can have somebody in your life who has a negative spirit. Someone who has no concern of others and how they may feel. 

I said all of that to say in all these possible things that could go wrong don’t forget you have the ability to protect your peace. You may not be able to control everything, but you can control your mindset to the situation/person. It’s always best to know your mental capacity with a situation or person. You may have to remove yourself or stop communicating with that person for a few days. Mainly until you’re mentally able to deal with the environment/person. 

The sad reality is that some people don’t even realize that they’re a vibe killer and push their moods off on others around them. Most of the time, these people are really only focusing on themselves and how they feel. 

In general, ways to protect your peace:

-Never worry about what others think of you

-Focus on things you’re grateful for

-Control your thoughts

-Find healthy ways to express negative emotion

-Accept and love yourself

–ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T CHANGE

If you don’t have peace within you won’t be able to have healthy/peaceful relationships [spouse, family, friends]. Once you are at peace things will be going well and even if it’s not you won’t allow negativity to get you distracted from your peace. Being able to maintain your peace in the middle of chaos is definitely a super power!! ALWAYS REMEMBER I AM ROOTING FOR YOU AND NEVER GET DISTRACTED FROM PROTECTING YOUR PEACE–YOU DESERVE PEACE AND SHOULDN’T FALL FOR ANYTHING LESS. Until next time!

For days I brainstormed on what I wanted to make a blog post about this week and nothing was really coming to mind. I found myself looking at videos and pictures of my boyfriend and I; I was just in a state of gratitude for finally being in a happy/healthy relationship. This is when I figured out exactly what I wanted to talk about….HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS!

Healthy relationships aren’t always something that we see growing up. This makes it even more rough to build your own personal idea of a healthy relationship because you didn’t have the proper representation. When it comes to relationships, no relationship is the same. Different things will take place to make each relationship unique. The most important thing is to make sure the goals are common and the values are aligned.

Tips that’ll prepare you for a healthy relationship:

-Know your own personal worth before dating/date yourself

-Learn how to communicate properly

-Know and understand what it means to respect yours/someone else’s boundaries

-Heal from your triggers/traumas

-Make sure you’re healed and over your past

Personally I’ve had my share of an unhealthy relationship; in this relationship I lost the sight of my worth. I found myself putting the person I was with at top priority and forgetting I mattered as well. I began to tolerate things I would have NEVER did just to have a piece of him. Sometimes we hang on to potential, instead of looking at things for what it is. In all reality it wasn’t healthy, but I’m grateful for the experience. It put things back into perspective for me. Also once I broke away I was able to rediscover self-love and what it meant to be in love with myself. We often want others to love us, but how can you expect that when you don’t even fully love everything about  yourself? It’s impossible or it will lead to some unhealthy traits. 

I’m grateful to now be in a healthy relationship; where I feel loved, respected, supported at all times. In this relationship it enriches me; I feel free. He pushes me out of my comfort zone and believes in me when I’m doubting myself. He keeps me grounded; when I had surgery he was there every step of the way. Even when the pandemic ruined the normal hospital stay routine; not once did I feel alone. Simply him being attentive of me and my well being means everything to me. I appreciate the relationship before because it prepared me for the King I have now. A healthy relationship will never make you sacrifice anything [speaking of all things that continue to produce value, not materialistic things]. 
These tips doesn’t only help with romantic relationships, but friendships and family relationships as well. I currently have only like minded people around me; those who share the same values as I do. AS ALWAYS REMEMBER I AM ROOTING FOR YOU–I WISH HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS IN EACH OF YOUR LIVES! “YOUR RELATIONSHIPS CAN ONLY BE AS HEALTHY AS YOU ARE!” Until next time!

There’s so much that has taken place since our last check in. Things that have taken place globally, as well as in my personal life. This particular post will gear more towards what has been going on in the world. Yes, we’ve touched on the pandemic/COVID-19 in a previous post because I gave some input on what I have learned during this time. Then there has been more light shed on another pandemic that has taken place for centuries–RACISM!!!!

As much as a lot of people may want to believe change has happened; reality is there has not been enough change!!! Racism has gone on so long; it’s completely disgusting to me. I feel that African Americans have been through enough to where ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! When will we be seen as who we deserve to be and treated accordingly. There’s so many things that exist because of a Black man or woman.

I am one of those people who goes into deep thought and sadness when another one of my brothers and sisters has been killed because of the color of their skin. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around what takes place in this cruel world. I begin to think about the people in my life and how I wouldn’t know what to do if it was my family, but in reality every name I’ve seen flash across the news/social media I am grieving with each family.  I am one who speaks my mind to those close to me about this specific topic, but at times I have no words.

I have no words because it is sickening that someone can be hated for the color of their skin. The same skin that I wear proudly because of many reasons. It shows the true definition of strength and perseverance. No matter how many obstacles have come up against MY people; we still tend to continue to persevere. And for that reason alone: I WEAR THIS BEAUTIFUL BROWN SKIN PROUDLY!

There are many people who choose to become outraged with these events and it stems a different reaction. Some of those reactions have been protesting, looting, blog/social media post, etc. Everyone’s reactions are not the same, but does that make people who decide to deal with what’s going on silently wrong? Some people may say yes, but I disagree. There are those who choose to simply pray for this nation and have faith things will change. There are those who grieve in silence because it’s just too much for them to take in. This doesn’t mean they’re in denial of what’s taking place, but the best thing for some to do is be “still”.

Just like Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream…..I one day believe everything we’re continuing to fight for as a race will exist one day. That I do believe. I WILL CONTINUE ROOTING FOR YOU MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK KINGS AND QUEENS! REST PEACEFULLY TO ALL OF THOSE WHO HAVE LOST THEIR LIVES TO POLICE BRUTALITY, AS WELL AS COVID-19. And I’m signing off with this….BLACK LIVES WILL ALWAYS MATTER!

Support looks different depending on the person. Support can be: a hug, quality time, words of affirmation, help with a task, heartfelt gifts, etc. You don’t always need support when you’re going through hard times, but when you’re seeking to do something new as well. Here are a few things you can do to help support those who may need it:

How to support someone trying to better themselves/start a new venture:

-Believe in Them: Someone believing in you can go along way

-Encourage Them: “You can do it!”

-Tell the Truth: This is with compassion of course

-Acknowledge Them: “Job well done!”

How to support someone through tough times:

-Be a listening ear

-Don’t make them ask for help

-Don’t make it about yourself

-Don’t rush them through their pain/grief

-Know the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy: being able to recognize that another person is hurting. Empathy: being able to recognize how it feels to be hurting as someone else is 

-Invite them out: “I would love to see you and spend time with you, but it’s ok if you’re not up to it.”

You should be appreciative of any support you’re getting because there are people out here who don’t have any support. If you are someone who doesn’t get much support you should not use that as an excuse to not accomplish the things you plan for yourself. You should continue to uplift yourself; it’s okay to keep yourself going-be good to yourself. Also, realize sometimes when someone is not lending their support they could be struggling with something themselves. Just as much as you would want people to support you; you should support others as well. CONTINUE PUSHING THROUGH-I’M STILL ROOTING FOR YOU!

This pandemic has been something that has affected us all in some type of way; either it be a positive or negative thing-maybe even both. No matter what comes about to better serve you, you need to be able to “find the positive in the negative”. That means being able to find the light through any situation. Also, realizing that regardless of the situation there is always something that can be learned. So right now I’m going to tell you some things I knew already, but reflected more on:

Life is Short/Tomorrow is not Promised:

These are a few things off the top of my head I can say I’ve been learning during this time. As we all know, millions of people around the world have passed away because of the CoronaVirus. Several people are also grieving from losing family members and friends. I am just grateful to still be alive today and being able to continue making an impact.

Jobs are Temporary/Save Money/Build a Brand:

I am also grateful that I have still been employed during this pandemic, but many have not been as blessed. People who were used to going to work daily and earning their money now have to rely on government assistance. This puts in perspective that there should be some type of “Raining Day” savings because we never know what may take place. Staying on top of your savings can prepare you for uncertain times that can occur. This is also a time that gives opportunity to begin building your own personal/business brand. Especially, since most people are without jobs.

Health is Extremely Important:

Having a healthy diet can help build your immune system. Also, staying active can help keep you healthy. I haven’t mastered these things yet, but I am going to continue to try and better my life all around, which includes eating healthier and getting some exercise in. 

Give Yourself Permission to Feel:

Some days may be better than others, but when you’re not feeling your best about what’s going on give yourself permission to feel those emotions. Don’t try and mask the feelings because it can turn into a blow up when held in too long. Always remember, it’s okay not to be okay. No matter the responsibilities you have in life; make sure you take time out for yourself.

If you don’t take anything from this post try converting to a more optimistic point of view. If you are able to do that you’ll become a more level-headed individual. Things that would normally get to you will no longer take place. Remember everything starts with your mindset/thoughts first! Always remember: DEMI IS FOREVER ROOTING FOR YOU!