Author: Demi

One of my pet peeves is when someone is just a natural born complainer and that’s all they ever do. No matter if things are going extremely well, they’ll still find something to complain about. Now I do understand that life gets hard and you need time to vent sometimes BUT there’s a thin line between venting to get it out of your system and just continuously nagging and complaining. Some people struggle with this often. 

Reasons you may choose to complain:

-We can’t fix/solve a problem

-Way of relieving stress

-A part of family culture: something you’ve been around all your life

-May be depressed

Do you complain too much? Here’s what you can do:

-Positive Attitude/Find the Positive: Try to have a positive mindset; find the positive in every negative

-Remove Yourself: Negative situations/toxic people can lead to you complaining a lot; remove yourself
-Turn Complaints into Actions: If you’re going to complain put action behind it, which will lead to solutions-complaining with no actions is POINTLESS!

-Learn to Accept/Adapt: Nothing in life stays the same; change will occur.  Once you know how to adapt a lot of things will no longer get to you

-Happiness: Do more things and focus on things that make you happy

-Self-Care: Review the “Let’s Talk About Self-Care” blog; there’s tips for physical, social, emotional, and spiritual self-care

-Express Gratefulness: Make a list of the things you’re grateful for. More than likely those things will outweigh what you’re currently complaining about and put things into perspective for you

I’m not saying it’s not okay to vent; you definitely want to vent every once in awhile. The reason being is because you don’t want negative feelings/emotions to fester and build up. What I am saying is choose happiness and gratefulness over complaining. There’s always somebody somewhere worse off than you are. When you’re focusing on the positive things your days will go a lot more smooth. At least you’ve been granted another day to change what you dislike. PUT ACTION BEHIND IT! Don’t make complaining your default communication!!! Talk to you later!

This talk is kind of a Part 2 to “Let’s Talk About Change”. We talked about dealing with change when it’s something we look forward [new house, car, or promotion]  and not one’s that challenge us or shift our lifestyle to something we didn’t want. Let’s get into when people change or show their true colors on who they really are. This can be a family member, friend, spouse, co-worker, etc. 

Once people decide to show you who they are; you express how they made you feel; and nothing changes it’s one thing you should do. REMOVE YOURSELF!!! When things and people no longer align with your values and morals it’s okay to accept it and move on. Don’t accept what doesn’t fit your lifestyle and you end up hurting yourself more in the end instead of removing yourself.

“In life, it’s sometimes hard to realize that everyone isn’t meant to stay in your life for a lifetime. People are assigned to your life for a reason and a season.” (Let’s Talk About Change). 

When you decide to keep people in your life that doesn’t do you any value you’ll begin to lose yourself. Depending on how long it goes on for you’ll no longer recognize yourself and others around you will feel the exact same way. Accepting a person’s flaws doesn’t mean you have to settle for them being a part of your life.

Most of us try our best to give people the benefit of the doubt. In doing so, it usually ends with it not working in our favor. Repeated mistakes aren’t accidents, that’s their behavior!! We sometimes think more about others feelings than our own. It’s completely okay to be selfish sometimes. Something we as individuals should be more selfish with is our time. Time is something that’s very valuable that you can’t get back. 

It’s time to stop giving 100s of chances to people who no longer deserve to be in your life. PROTECT YOUR PEACE!! Talk to you later! Happy New Year!!!

The word of the day is: Self-Care! What is self-care? The care and actions that help preserve or improve your own health. It’s important to practice self-care because if you’re not whole within yourself then you won’t be able to give to others. I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” You can’t be your best self when you don’t take care of yourself. Self-care can also keep down your stress level because you’re doing things that’ll boost your well-being and you’ll be able to be more efficient. 

The types of self-care to keep in mind are physical, social, emotional, and spiritual. 

Here’s some things you can do in each of these areas:

Physical: boost your physical health

-Sleep

-Exercise

-Yoga

Social: nurture the relationships with the people in your life

-Healthy Support System

-Set Boundaries

-Hangout with family/friends

Emotional: connects and reflects you to your emotions

-Stress Management

-Forgiveness

-Therapy, if needed

Spiritual: nurtures your spirituality to where you can think bigger than yourself 

-Religious Practices (going to a place of worship, pray)

-Journaling

-Meditation/Yoga

-Spend time doing some self-reflection

Don’t run yourself dry trying to take care of others. There’s nothing wrong with making sure the people around you are well, but you shouldn’t put yourself on the back burner while doing so. The better you are; the better you can be for the people you love and the people you are meant to impact! Remember, self-care is not selfish; Talk to y’all soon!

Our talk Monday was around Depression. We included what can cause depression; how you may feel when you’re depressed; things that may help depression; and how to deal with someone you know that may be experiencing depression. 

One of the causes of depression I mentioned was life changing events. Some of those life changing events can include: 

-Loss of family member or friend

-Illness

-Relationship Problems/Divorce or Family Problems 

-Negative Financial Situations

These are all things that can trigger seasonal depression. The trigger we’re going to focus on is the loss of a family member or friend; I experience seasonal depression at times because I’ve lost a grandma, grandfather, and great-grandma. Sometimes it’s just hard dealing with the fact that I’ll never have them again because they played such a major role in the person I am today. 

The question is: what can we do to get through it? 

-Permission to Feel: it’s NORMAL to miss those who are no longer here

-Support System/Talk About It: talk and be around others who are feeling the same way and may be even missing the same person 

-Honor Them: Keep the same traditions going that they once did or start new ones

-Avoid Stress: stay  away from stressful situation that’ll increase the way you’re already feeling

-Stay Busy: sometimes having things to do and places to go can help you not think about the loss as much

-Take a Vacation: get away and make new memories

*Reviewing some tips from Monday’s post*

-Gratitude: be grateful for life and the love ones you still have

-Exercise/Go Outside: don’t stay cooped up in the house; it won’t help

-Journal: write out your thoughts/feelings

-Professional Help: if needed

-Religion: religious practices

Depression is something that can affect anybody; it doesn’t choose specific people. It’s usually something that happens around the holidays because you’re reflecting on what’s no longer. When this happens try and spend some time being grateful for what still is. It’s all about trying your best to be mentally strong to get through the phase. Also once you’ve done the work to get through it, make sure you reach out and help someone else in need. Merry Christmas; thanks for spending some of your holiday with me. Until next time; take care!

The phrase, “I’m so depressed!” is one that we’ve all thrown in a sentence casually; not really considered what the word truly means. A temporary feeling of sadness shouldn’t be described using the word depression. Depression isn’t something that is temporary and it just comes and leaves quickly. Depression is a treatable mental illness that several people experience throughout their lives, which is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. 

Things that may cause depression:

-Life changing events

-Side effects to medication/an illness

-Genetics

-Alcohol or drug abuse

-Hormonal changes

-SOMETIMES YOU SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW

How you may feel when you’re depressed:

-No pleasure and joy

-Low energy: even for routine daily activities 

-Low self-esteem

-Hard to concentrate 

-Lack of sleep

Things that may help depression:

-Set Realistic Goals: accomplishing small goals will help you prove your worth to yourself 

-Gratitude: practice reciting every day the things you’re grateful for; this will also help you see the value in your life

-Write: write out your thoughts and feelings; that way if you don’t want to talk to anyone you’re still expressing yourself

-Exercise: in exercising you may not know that there’s a chemical that’s released called “endorphins”, which is known as a feel-good chemical

-Challenge Negative Thoughts: try to find the positive in every negative thing you’re thinking 

-FUN!!!: do things that you used to enjoy doing; to see if the spark it once gave you still exist

-Religion: if you’re religious see if your choice of religious practices may help you

-Professional Help: Seek professional help if it’s needed

If you know someone who battles depression:

-Research: do research on the illness, before coming to them and potentially offending them

-Support: sometimes the best and the only thing you can do is make your presence known 

-No Judging and Blaming: if you feel you want to express these things to someone depressed it’s best you stay away until you’ve had a change of heart–you may cause more harm than good

-See them for who they are: don’t see them as their depression, but as someone you care about

-Show them love: sometimes that person just needs to be reminded that they’re loved

-Medication: if they’re on medication becoming familiar with the medicine, it’s dosages, and side effects can help

-Overall Offer Hope: let them know things will get better

Depression doesn’t look the same on everyone. It can be someone who smiles and lights of every room they enter; the life of the party who goes home everyday and cry; or it can be the person who isolates themselves from the rest of the world. So since you can’t pinpoint who’s depressed unless they express it doing random check ins with the people you love and care about can go a long way. I know we can all get caught up in our own lives and what we have going on, but just as well as you want others to check on you make sure you’re doing the same! Until next time!!

When it comes to failures I’m sure we all can agree that we dislike experiencing them. You can not be afraid of failing; if you are then you’ll never try to accomplish anything that you truly desire. The world has put failures into a negative light.

 Failures are a part of success!!! Let’s be honest, if we attempt to achieve something we want and it happens the first time we try our appreciation won’t be as high. On the other side of things, if you set a goal for yourself; experience losses along the way; and then you finally accomplish it your gratitude will be on a totally different level. You’ll definitely cherish it a lot more. Failure will humble you; once you’ve been so low you’ll be able to value elevation. 

Getting over/making peace with failures:

-Acknowledge how the failure made you feel: once you acknowledge it work on accepting it

-Stop dwelling: don’t dwell on the failure it won’t change the outcome; become at peace with it and give yourself permission to move on 

-Try a new point of view: find the positive in the negative

-Support System: surround yourself around people that’ll help inspire you–that won’t judge you off your failures

-Build on your self-esteem: this way the next time around won’t feel as a personal attack on yourself and you’ll be able to work through the failure instead of beating yourself up

Failures are only just setbacks; it doesn’t mean that your goal won’t ever be accomplished. 

With failure you gain more knowledge through the experience. I can’t stress enough everything is wrapped around mindset. Overall getting over every failure/challenge has to  do with the type of perspective you have while going through it. With every failure you’re able to eliminate what didn’t work and you’re able to create more ways that’ll possibly get you where you want to be. When your next failure presents itself try your best to face it head on and think about what your next execution plan will be. Remember that goal is still worth accomplishing; failure or not!!!

Most of us were raised to get a job, so we’ll be able to pay whatever bills we end up getting and be able to take care of a family/household. Rarely, is someone raised to have happiness at the center of everything you do. Especially, since most of us growing up seen a hard working father or mother who worked long hours just to simply provide for his/her household. We also heard a lot of complaining about being tired and not being happy going to a place every day that they disliked. 

I am a health educator, when I go into middle schools I make sure they know the difference between a job and a career. A job is something you get to survive: to make money, pay bills, and something that should be temporary. A career is something that you enjoy and love to do; it’s your passion. It’s something you get up everyday and not feel forced to do. It’s something you can wake up everyday and do for free if there wasn’t any income available for you. 

Yes, realistically more than likely we all will start off working at a job because it’s something we “have” to do to get on our feet. Money is something that we all will need. It’s still your duty to yourself to never forget about your goals and dreams, while helping another company or organization fulfill theirs. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a job as a stepping stone to make sure at the end you reach your level of happiness. Even if the job is a stepping stone make sure you give your best efforts and self; you still have a reputation to uphold.

Back then there wasn’t much for us to choose from; in this day in age the sky is really the limit as long as you put in the effort and apply yourself. There’s even career assessments online to help you find what career path may be best for you based on your interest. Even back then women didn’t have the same rights as men, which caused women to rely on men to provide financially for the household. Times has definitely changed. It’s time to do what makes you happy, while also maintaining a family/household. Not just only focusing on what benefits you; you can have both and not have to choose!

Take a moment to think about: survival vs. passion. Which one is winning in your life right now? Which one will ultimately make you happy? Getting to your long-term passion and happiness should be the goal while you go through life, not just surviving. Until our next talk!

When it comes to stress it can be hard to cope and deal with it. Stress doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. Stress can take place when you’re planning a wedding or adapting to your new promotion. Whether it’s positive or negative stress you still need to know how to cope with it properly.

When Stressing You May Feel:

-It’s hard to make decisions and concentrate

-Frustrated, helpless, and sad

-Numb, shocked, and disbelief

-Trouble sleeping

Negative Ways To Cope:

-Drinking and Smoking: these things may feel like it’s helping for the moment, but it will potentially increase the stress you’re already feeling–if you form an addiction it can also lead to health issues

-Dwell on the negative/negative thoughts

-Being around negative vibes and company

-Hibernate/Ignore the problem: the problem will still remain until you decide to deal with it

Positive Ways to Cope: 

-Self-Care: get proper rest, eat well, or maybe even exercise

-Way of thinking: express gratitude for the things that’s going well in your life

-Journal: write your thoughts out

-Detach yourself: take a break from the specific person/place/thing that’s causing the stress

-Spirituality: connect to a spiritual side; if you’re religious it may help to pray

-Talk to others: parent, sibling, friend, or counselor–those that can help shed positivity

-Professional Help: if you realize you can’t deal with the stress alone

We all experience stress; the most important thing around it is how you decide to deal with it. “Having a mindset of growth is ideal; you have to have faith that no matter what’s going on that one day it will get better.” (Let’s Talk About Mindset). I know it’s difficult to see the light while you’re going through it, but a positive mindset, proper self-care, and effort can help. Until next time!

When it comes to toxic relationships it can occur in relationships with family members, friends, and your spouse. We’re going to focus on toxicness with romantic relationships. These tips can also be used to help with other relationships as well. What does the word “toxic” mean?”– It means something containing or being poisonous material especially when capable of causing death or serious debilitation. This definition is geared towards a chemical, but it much so can be used to define relationships that are unhealthy and mean you no good.  

Three steps when it comes to dealing with toxic relationships:

1. Identify it
2. Leave the relationship
3. Heal from the relationship

How to identify the toxic relationship/ask yourself these questions?

-How does individual treat others?

-How does the individual deal with conflict? 

-How does this person make you feel when you’re with them?

-Is the relationship one-sided? Are you the one always giving without getting anything in return?

Red Flags:

-Lying/manipulative/controlling 

-Can’t communicate effectively/deal with conflict/listen to your concerns

-Can’t own up to their mistakes and constantly blaming others

-Any forms of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, or psychological) 

How can toxic relationships affect you?

-It can cause lots of trauma, which can lead to depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and self-harm

–you’ll begin to feel as if you’re not good enough or worthless

–you’ll become isolated, sad, and stressed 

–you can develop toxic traits within yourself 

Reasons you may choose to stay: 

-History/Comfort 

-Denial

-Fear of Being alone

-Thinking of your partner’s feelings

Leaving won’t happen overnight. Despite all those things you want to remember self. Choose yourself over all of the pain you’re experiencing from that person. 

What’s next after you leave the relationship?

Once you’ve successfully removed yourself from the relationship the most important thing needed to be done is HEAL HEAL HEAL!!!! No matter if you were in the relationship for 4 months or 4 years you’ll have to heal from the things you’ve experienced.

Why is it important to heal before moving on to dating someone else?

-Hurt people, hurt people–if you haven’t healed you’ll more than likely end up hurting the next person you date

-You’ll bring the toxic traits into the next relationship 

-There will be some trauma that will take place and you’ll develop some triggers

Sometimes you won’t be able to work through the trauma alone; it’s perfectly fine to look for professional help through the difficult times you’re experiencing. 

Other things you will want to do:

-Be around positive people/support system (family/friends)

-Adopt things that can help with your self-care (reading, writing, or maybe exercising)

-Don’t be afraid to share your story and what you learned from it

-Take note of the things you need to work on

-Identify things that interest you (join a club, do volunteer work, find a hobby)

-Take time to get to know yourself and fall in love with you again

Once you’ve healed and you’re ready to begin dating again:

-Have a positive and open-minded attitude

-Remove all negative thoughts

-Recognize that you deserve to be loved properly/genuine happiness 

-Don’t compare anyone you’re dating to your ex

-Don’t be in the rush to find “The One”

We’ve talked talked about unexpected change. In the journey of finding true love, sometimes we have to experience certain things to where we can learn from them. Through these things you’ll be able to identify the things you do not want in a significant other. True love doesn’t hurt. Most importantly, you can’t love someone or expect someone to love you if you don’t truly love yourself. Self-love comes first: before, during, and after a relationship! 

Feel free to send me any suggestions on what you want to read about next. Until our next talk!!

We naturally define ourselves by the things we have. Some of those things: size house, style of car, relationship (husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend), brands of clothing/shoes, or even amount of friends. We come up with this thought of if you have “stuff”, fame, money or power that people will approve or love you, and those things will lead to happiness. Correction: if you’re not whole within yourself all of the things you have doesn’t even matter. 

As we talked about in our “Going At Your Own Pace” post: Sometimes the only reason we want more of something is because we’re going through the process of social comparison. Trying to impress others, you only end up losing your own identity. 

Keep in mind you’re shaped by your personal interests; you can choose your own path no matter what’s surrounded around you. You are destined to live your own life and not by what others want you to do. What sets you apart from the rest of the world; your personality, skills, and abilities.

NOT BY THE THINGS YOU HAVE!!!

Ways to make sure you still keep your self-identity continue to:

-Believe in yourself

-Believe you are good enough

-Believe you control your mindset and drive

Your life isn’t dependent on how others view you, but how you view yourself. 

Who are you without all of those things? We all came into this world with nothing and we’ll all be leaving the same way. The question is: what will people remember you by? I can guarantee it won’t be based on the materialistic things you had. Materialistic things can not show support, love, affection, or give value. We thrive on those things, not “stuff”.